My Tabernacle

I’ve been thinking about conversion all week. If conversion means change, it certainly has happened to me. Six months ago I wouldn’t have dreamed I’d be spending every day in solitude and silence. Indeed, if there is such thing as positive addiction, then I am addicted to these times of quite. And I have grown a need of daily visit of the tabernacle as much as I need food or rest. Over the months I have come to enjoy and accept his presence in my life as normal- as having a tabernacle for a friend was the common thing. It only seems strange when I’m in the hurry-hurry world of day- to- day life. My friend (tabernacle) is more real to me than much of what I have taken to be a reality. I value deeply our friendship, founded on my mutual search for truth. Each night when I say farewell to him, I fear that one of these nights will be the last time. That apprehension has grown, day by day, into an abiding sense that something is going to happen soon. I make note of that only because I have tried to be honest in all that I have written here.

The month of September will soon be over. How quickly time slips by! Ever since I began these visits, though, I have no felt that I am wasting my time, no matter how fast it passes. For once in my life, each day has taken me on a sense of supreme importance. Eternity has become more real to me. A kind of timelessness seems to be breaking more and more into the clock counting world that I inhabit.

Sent Khim

We find ourselves in abundance but at the same time, feeling empty. Those who dare to pursue genuine happiness are led to the path of self-denial; where loss is really gain.

Reflection on Mk 9:38-48

Being a seminarian is a call not just to follow Jesus, which is what discipleship is about, but ultimately to be sent by Jesus- to stand on behalf of Jesus. Being sent is not a task of substituting the master, but rather of representing him so that he remains present in his absence. Did Jesus says, “It’s easy”? On the contrary, it’s difficult and painful.

Jesus makes demands for discipleship: renunciation of family, possessions, and even one’s own life. I must be stripped of more than possessions. Must be naked on what possession represents: title, name, reputation, role, and personality- every trace of my false self. Commitment of Jesus must have rise above what human heart seeks: security, affection, and life without pain/suffering. As I watch the cross, it is something like a rejection which I don’t deserve.

Back in March, I had not realized that my desire to set out on a pursuit would lead all this. I am beginning to grasp that it is a long, long process. Now I understand, with my heart, the words of Jesus when He said that those who wished to follow Him must take up their crosses and die to themselves. I realize that dying is at the heart of the very call to follow Jesus. I understand that the way is not easy, but I cannot turn back. These past months have been the most exciting part of my life and I’m beginning to see that I will be challenging for the rest of my life.

Have patience, Lord, as I come with halty steps in following you.

“Heavenly Father, teach us the obedience of Your Son.

Grant that we may share His suffering and death

in order to share His glory.

Amen

Why this journey, Why the Seminary?

The Oral Communication class handled a show that proves our potentials in  speaking. As the leader of the group, this was the genre I have chosen.

Why this journey, Why the Seminary?

So buckle up and open your mind’s magic theater as we inquire them topics to quench our curiosity. Help me welcome our guest; Renand Bandiala & Dexter Banueles whose valiant enough to face and answer one of our Many Why’s In This World!

Khim: When did you first have the idea of entering priesthood?

Ren: Since grade school, my family especially my father and Lola encourage me to be a priest.

Dex:  I remembered when I was young that I promise Him that if He would cure me from my sickness I will served Him as one of His priests.

Khim: It is said that at your age boys still have great need of their families. Did you miss your parents when you were in the Seminary?

Ren: Not to such extent because I can go home monthly, holidays, and not to mention this coming semestral break. And I also experienced working far from my parents when I was in Davao.

Dex: Yes, I’m really closed with my family especially my Papa and I can’t help to miss them, not like Renand, it’s my first time to be separated from them.

Khim: Who is the most important person in your formation?

Ren: My family & my Lola.

Dex: My family and friends.

Khim: What are the common topics in your conversation while living in a Seminary?  Do you talk about women, money, and death?

Ren: It’s quite awful that seminarians are most familiar if a topic is about women. Sometimes you can hear them talking about their “girlfriends” rather than Jesus.

Dex: I must confess it’s a reality in Cor jesu Seminary, Jesus does not often come up in our daily conversation.

Khim: Your answers are quite shocking! What image do you have of God?

Ren: For me God is a compassionate father who set me on a course, and if I veer of he gently get me back. In the past, I never really felt the depth of spiritual communication I experience now.

Dex:  God is like a priest in a confessional, even though I cannot see Him, I know His listening. My communication with Him is now unlimited 24/7.

Khim: During all this months as a seminarian, did you ever think that you might have chosen the wrong path?

Dex: No, never! I don’t know why, but I never had any doubts, even though there were difficulties at times.

Ren: I agree with my brother Dexter, I don’t have any regrets even if I making a great sacrifice adapting myself to regulations in the Seminary.

Khim: In your life, you must certainly have gone through moments of great suffering. Which episode was the most painful?

Ren: I had a terrible accident from a motorcycle. I spent a week in a hospital. That was most painful experience, in that it involved being handicapped.

Dex: When I had a sickness, and my parents thought of losing me because the Doctor told them that I should going to take an operation but my parents could not afford to. However, thank God. I am here nervous.

Khim: (smile) In these dark moments, did you feel God was near you.

Ren: Yes, there were moments in which I felt my clumsiness was right enough to feel the presence of God.

Dex: Absolutely, when I was confined in bed, I had plenty of time to think about Him.

Khim: Who’s your favorite saint?

Ren: Francis Xavier

Dex: St. Augustine

Khim: Has this saint ever played any particular role in your life?

Ren: I am not only praying to him, I also try to imitate his life.

Dex: I appreciate his writings and work which is so inspiring.

Wow! It feels good folks that there are some people who are true to their vocation. May their answers enlightened us and strengthened our faith in Him.

So bye bye for now, until we meet again to answer another Why? This is Khim Caermare, signing off.

Odd Dream

I dreamed that I was sitting on a rock and obtain pleasure in watching the splendid panorama in a garden. It seems to be reminiscent of shifting flavor from fall to spring. Then Jesus called me. As I followed Him, I inquire where he takes me. He just smiled at me. As we walked, the scene were changed into a distressing one. I saw a bar with lots of teenagers drinking alcohols, taking drugs and stuffs. There were laughing and blast- place was so deafening that it almost cracked my eardrum. We went out and went into a street. I saw street children weeping, orphans in grief, and the old terribly depressed. Beggars beg, but the people just past by, and there was a youth who spit on the beggar’s face. I get mad that I want to grab that kid in his misconduct. Next, we went into a bridge and I saw the squatter’s houses in deluge with seeming dim and foul water. And then, a lady in black robe, she cuddled an infant, and suddenly she looked unto the dark water and thrown the baby.

Quitely Smart

The Gospel portrays the stupidity of the disciples whose ignorance together with ambitious and the self-centeredness, keep quite even they don’t understand.

Reflection on Mk 9:30-37

I still remember a quote from one of my school teachers that says, “the mark of real intelligence visible not so much in pupils who get the answers right, but in those who can admit that they do not know when they really don’t, and dare to ask smart questions  in order to know.”

One of my favorite subjects here that I really enjoy is English with Maam Porlas. Every time that she would discuss about grammar and sentence construction I can’t help myself to chuckle for my batch mate’s silliness (they would just keep silent and looks like they fully understand Maam’s lessons, and when Maam conducts and exam most of us fails). Then one time (giggles), Maam Porlas asked one of my batch mates, “Where you’ve been last night?” He answered I go to the chapel to pray. Then Maam enquire him what’s the past tense of G-O? He said G-O-E-S- (he pronounced it as ‘ghost’) then maam told him, “unsa nakalag naka diha?” (LoL)

As a batch mate would say,”The paper of a priest is to help people” in vernacular, “ang papel sa usa ka pari mao ang mutabang sa mga tawo”.

People sometimes refuse to ask questions because they do not want to betray their ignorance, or are engaged only in ‘kasabot man ko ani’ as the disciples were.Children who do not have an image to protect or a hidden motive to pursue be likely to ask questions openly.

It is this childlike inquisitiveness which Jesus insists that we must never lose.

“Heavenly Father, we are often narrow-minded and craving for the spotlight. Clothe us with your son’s humility, and set us free from our worldly endeavors”.

Amen.

He Did For You!

Sometimes we want to pray but cannot gather words we want to say. I want to thank you so I unpack my sympathy and flock all the words I say.

I was confused
You cleared my mind
I was in the dark
You turned the light

I was in hiding
You found me
In was alone
You gave me company

I was weak
You gave me strength
I was gone astray
You look for me and lead me home

I fell down
You lifted me up
I was worried
You gave me confidence

I was wounded
You healed me
I was in pain
You brought comfort

I was in tears
You wiped it away
I was heart broken
You gave me love

I have given up
But you gave me hope.
Jesus died my soul to save,
For my life He freely gave,

All He had in heaven above,
Just to show His wondrous love.
Wondrous love so rich, so free,
Can it truly be for me?

Yes, dear friend, ’tis true, ’tis true,
All Christ did, He did for you.

“Heavenly Father, we thank you for your infinite love for us. Grant that we may share our love with those who are most in need of it.”

Amen

Who do People Say I am?

Sometimes, rumors can be really nasty and we get to find out only from other people about the wicked things they are saying to us.

Reflection on Mk 8:27-35

I usually hear rumors concerning the collegian’s alarm towards our beadle’s attitude. They say that our beadle is too violent in dealing with us. Who always says, ‘box you now’, every time when one of my batch mates’ conduct doesn’t seem pleasing to him.  Who doesn’t value the authority of those seminarians in higher years. Who don’t mind/care if he hurt someone’s feelings. Who get pleasure from crafting jokes with others but easily get heated when a seminarian would gag him.

For about four months living with him and being one of his friends, I would say that our beadle is much better than what they think. Yes, I must confess he’s a person who easily gets irritated, impatient and quite cruel most of the times. But I assume and I feel that he truly care for us.

Concerning on the stories he shared to me; (I’ve been the ‘sponge’ khim in our batch- they would share their stories which are really awkward and unusual, that are still kept secret even to the formators) he tries to apt himself to the ‘standard’ of others and yet failed to please them. And sometimes even his family and close friends didn’t believe in his potential and nearly everyone question his intention. He tries to change himself to please them and yet still they didn’t able to recognize it. He did his best and laughed at, loved and was rejected, hoped and was deceived.

He wants to feel that he’s a part of the group that’s why he did those ridiculous things to earned acceptance (I do now realize why he always wants to include himself each time he finds an opportunity).

If only they would just take time to consider and inquire him, ‘why he act this way?’ Tying to figure out the reasons behind, and time comes they would understand and accept who really he is.

I can see his progress even though he forgets to control his temper sometimes -but he’s trying. Maybe that’s all anyone can ever do. I hope we’re going to measure him by how much he try rather than how quite is actually is inside him…

It is then that we confront ourselves with the trust of friends who hopefully, know better than to believe these rumors.

In the end, however neither their opinion or the trust of friends should dictate the way we are to live our lives. Ultimately, because we are accountable only to God, we can dare to make personal decisions in conscience and thus express who or what kind of person we intend to be.

7 Reasons Why I like him

1. —–

2. —–

3. —–

4. —–

5. —–

6. —–

7. —–

I want to fill it yet  I’m still searching for the reasons to like him. Besides I don’t have other option than learn to love who really is.  Nobody knows  the reals us.  Let just  keep the judgment  to our  Lord Jesus Christ!

“Father in heaven, we are often hard in our judgment of others. Teach us the wisdom of knowing that only compassion can heal the wounds of sin and division.”

Amen

Still…

The day is cloudy- the low gray sky helps me to be still. I still don’t think it will be easy to decide when to be flexible and when to remain true to my commitments. But once I have accepted the fact that it isn’t going to be easy, I will be amazed at how much less difficult it becomes.

I have tried all months not to run away from the pain of sacrifices, choices and decisions but to embrace them instead. As I sit here writing, I feel a slight change in my way of relating to my family and relatives. They don’t understand why I came here in the seminary, but as I’m here they don’t seem to mind.

The question still uppermost in my mind is, ‘Why the journey?’ ‘Why the seminary?’

Yes, that’s what keeps bobbing up down in the dark pool of my mind.

I sat with my eyes tightly closed, for they filled with tears when I thought of my parents and how someday soon that would grow old without someone who cares. Slowly I open my eyes, I told myself as lone tear wandered down my cheek, “I want some time to think about it”

Yes, that would be important. For it is love that calls me on this journey. It is love that makes the Quest a homecoming, and it is love that is my source of energy to continue my journey.

Mary Full of Grace

Some mistakenly think that Mary “gets in the way” of our relationship with Jesus. How far from the truth is this erroneous attitude. Mary’s role in our salvation has been willed by God. Enough said!

Mary, the mother of Jesus, is held in great honor by Christians, particularly the Catholic Christians, because of her unique role among all human beings as the Mother of God. Catholic tradition affirms that God prepared Mary for her role as the Mother of God from the first moment of her existence in her mother’s womb. Unlike every other human being but Jesus, Mary was not born into the condition known as Original Sin, the alienation of the whole human race from God. She was “full of grace” from the moment she was conceived in her mother’s womb. This special favor given to Mary is known as her Immaculate Conception. It did not exempt her from suffering; she endured great pain and sorrow in life. But she was and is always closest to God of any human being that ever lived, except Jesus.

Devotion to Mary is intense for many Catholics. For example, many poor and oppressed people experience her care for them in very special way. Listen with you heart to Mary’s own prayer of praise, the Magnificat, from the Luke’s Gospel account of Mary’s visit to her cousin Elizabeth when both women were pregnant. In this great prayer, so Jewish in its spirit, Mary proclaims her joy and hope that God’s promises to the poor and the lowly will be fulfilled through the baby she is carrying in her womb:

 

“My soul proclaims greatness of the Lord,

my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

for he has looked with favor on His lowly servant.

From this day all generations will call me blessed:

the All mighty has done great things for me,

and holy is his Name.

He has mercy on those who fear him in every generation,

he has shown the strength of his arm,

he has scattered the proud in their conceit.

He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,

and has lifted up the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with good things,

and the rich he has sent away empty.

He has come to the help of his servant Israel,

for he has remembered his promise of mercy,

the promise he made to our fathers,

To Abraham and his children forever.

 

Is there anyone who, listens to these words of Mary, does not long for a closer union with loving Heart of our Mother?