Do you love me?

Tonight is our first retreat. The initiator told us that what if Jesus would ask you with this question:”Do you love me?”.

I was silent. I don’t know what to say.

How could you love someone you never even meet? I was going to answer it differently but as the question sank…I had a changed of heart.


Dear Jesus,

Lord, I may not have very much, but what I have I give you; health, a few brains, a talent or two, and a sincere heart to do what you want. I’m empty and you fill me. I’m not worthy with your love Lord. I did crazy things, I’m stubborn, arrogant, impatient and very impulsive.

Help me to be like you. My heart is proud, but I believe if only I can get closer to you, my heart would turned to be like Yours.

At first week in seminary…I feel confused. I want to quit and yet I’m afraid of losing this opportunity, this blessing. I just want here to stay. To talk with you 24/7. It feels like our connection is much clearer and unlimited here. I really enjoyed staying here. I’ve found my place, where I really belong.

Sometimes I get a hard time to mingle with my brothers, especially my batch mates, but I’m working on it. Even though most of the time, they misinterpret or even misjudge me that I’m K. J. (kill joy) & gay, well, it’s still Ok. Cause I know they’re just following their poor manly intuition.

Even though I’ve been hurt with their jokes, I would just kept silent. Patiently praying that they would change. I’m afraid that, what if we are going to be expelled in this seminary if I’m going to fight back. What would be my uncle’s response? I’m still in constant observation.

Lord, thank for the new friends I made here; Giovanie(he reminds me of my uncle), kuya Gamil, kuya Andrew, kuya Quinz, Sarge, Embodo, Mayol, and Dodong, and for some who invited me in their lives.

Lord, I doubt myself sometimes, what if I can’t make it?What if my sacrifices is not enough?But, I’m holding on in this call. I know You have a better purpose for me here. I have faith in You.

Thank you Jesus for loving me.

For being my eyes when I couldn’t see, for parting my lips when I couldn’t breathe…

There are lot of things that I want to share to You . But my eyes are too weary(yawn). Hope You would find pleasure in reading this. I’m longing to see You soon.

Love Lots,

Khim

“Because I meet Him-not physically, but I will meet Him someday. I talked to Him daily…and well He died for me. How can you not love someone who died for you? Someone who truly loves you”

“Jesus tapped on my shoulder and said, Khim, why are you resisting me? I replied, I’m not resisting You! You should follow me. I said, I never thought of that before! He said, when you’re not following me your resisting me”

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2 thoughts on “Do you love me?

  1. Nice post..Know what you’re really a gifted child…You’re really good at playing with words…and I appreciate your deep spirituality, even though it comes to the point of questioning sometimes..I know you still have faith despite that…We’re the same, you may not know what’s in my mind, but it’s full of questions..Here’s the catch: Don’t stop questioning God until He answers. I know He will..And if sometimes it feels that He’s not answering continue to talk to Him…You may not know, He may just be like the priest inside the confessional, unseen but truly present.. He listens, He answers, in His time-in His perfect time…
    As you continue living here in the seminary, always remember this verse:

    ” For I know the plans I have for you, said the Lord God, plans to PROSPER you and NOT TO HARM you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.” -Jeremiah 29:11

    GOD BLESS!

  2. I can’t wait to meet Him and inquire Him all the things that boobing out my head.
    The path I have chosen seems difficult and long, but I never have regrets.
    I don’t know why…(strange)

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