Another late nights…another spiritual drought…I always asked why do I believe in Him, why I trust Him. What would I gain if I put my faith on him. Is He real? Why do I drawn to Him even though I don’t know Him personally.
I trust Him even though I’m confused.
Each of us probably experienced something familiar. For a week we intimately close with God, consoled and strengthened by His Divine Presence. The following week, we find ourselves unwilling to spend time in prayer. Perhaps, even doubting God’s presence, God’s concern, or whether God exists at all.
For a number of years, I occasionally find myself imagining that I was on a ship sailing over a vast ocean and I was a passenger safely stowed aboard. When the waves too high or the seas too rough, I retreat below deck
For me, God is still a mystery, but mystery does not expose itself. It never fully uncovers the ground of my hope, of my faith, of my love. I hope, but I do not ultimately know why. I believe, but I often at loss to explain why. Anyway, anyone should be a believer. I love, but I have no way of accounting why life and existence in this world should be equated with love. What would it profit me to gain the whole world, if I never experienced love and never learned to return it? God did not bring me into the company of Jesus in order to cripple my spontaneity or to make me doubt the possibility of my being fully human. God brought me to Jesus in order to learn, and to touch, the holy mystery which is God’s life-giving presence.
Mystery arouses my heart and mind to ponder and to embrace the hidden ground of life and faith. Just as I grasp that the ocean has a bottom though I cannot see it. Or perhaps I grasp that life has no surface, no lasting meaning, no life or hope, or love at the first place. Do people today still touch in this mystery , the situation of their faith? I think they do.
“Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand”