Let Me Stay…

3Fr Rector told us (Neophytes) to submit a readmission letter for the next semester. I have to write a letter for readmission into seminary but I don’t know where to start. I have to explain what I have learned and what my plans are. Also why I want to be readmitted.

I really don’t have any idea what to write, so I just open my mind’s magic theater and let the ‘brain worms’ play the words. Hope it works.

Fr. Rector,

My story began several months ago when I began to feel an explainable urge to accept God’s call and set out on a spiritual journey. I felt a surge of excitement. Indeed, it was a great adventure to follow His footsteps.

I thought that this is the perfect place of healing. A place where I can renew myself from past hurts- hurt by my parents, sisters, relatives, friends… the list of guilt is long…

At first I thought it was an asylum- a place of refuge- now for almost four months of staying here, I can say CJS is much more than that.

He welcomed me wholeheartedly, where I felt that I’ve been loved, where they showed me my value, my worth.

But seminary is not always a pleasant place to stay (just like any other place). There were times I want to go out and retreat to my family’s ‘tender care’. CJS has lots of demands that I should acquire so that I could stay here much longer. Not just I have to pay Php 2000/ month for the board and lodging, study every night, wash my own laundry, eat the same kind of foods, do manualia and other chores, wake up at 5:00 am for the morning prayer, hate Tuesdays because of Arnis, and most of all, mingle and try to understand my ‘brothers’ which I don’t know personally.

Being there to listen to their stories attentively even though sometimes it sounds boring. Accepting them with out reasons. Trusting their capabilities and encourage them every time they fall. Letting them discover their talents when they thought they don’t have. To understand and trust my brothers who were also wounded by the past ‘battles’ of their lives. It’s been a great feeling when you’ve been a part of their journey. Sometimes when a brother would recognize and appreciate what I made, it feels like ‘huh, I did that?’

I also learned to control my temper and try to understand them every time I’ve been the ‘pulutan’ of their jokes. Forgiving their faults and trusting them again and again even though I know that they would hurt me once more one of these days. Always reminding them to be cautious on their ‘deeds’ and  telling them that it’s wrong even though most of time they will just reject and say, “so what?”

What do I gain for all these? A barrel of patience!

It’s quite a hard time staying here, sacrificing myself from the ‘good’ life I have outside. For four months of staying here, I’m aware of my progress. It feels good yet I should not be contented of it, but rather strive much harder.

I’m aiming for a better me, and this dreams will be realize if I let myself be molded  which the seminary offers. I have to open myself so that they will see my weaknesses and strength. Accepting my faults and letting my pride fall off. Making myself naked- undressed all the ‘garbage’ in me.

Staying another day here in seminary is a hard decision to make. Convincing myself that it’s for my own good and trying to search for the reasons to stay. I answer His call with a ‘yes’. I trust Him even though I don’t even meet Him yet. Letting Him to drive my life even though I don’t know where He leads me. There’s only one thing that I’m sure with this journey, “I will not get lost since He is the way!”

Even though there were lots of pains and sacrifices but I’m still willing to stay another semester and hopefully to become a priest- a pure and simple priest.

Sincerely,

Khim J. Caermare

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