I want to be a monk!

I am still undecided which path should I take, but I am aware that all roads end to Him. These past months, I have been thinking long-term plans: proceeds Theology, earned a degree in Mariology, teach Philosophy for a year and find a girlfriend perhaps?

I see myself unfit for priesthood and unprepared for monastic life. This apprehension came into my mind through careful reflection and evaluation of self.

I am very grateful to our Lord for all the gifts He gave me especially my seminary formation. I come to meet myself and mostly to know Him personally. I am thankful with the direction I received from my Formators and the inspiration from my seminary brothers who helped me to sustain my call and motivate me to go deeper. I am convinced that there are more things to learn, more lessons to understand, and more life I need to live.

Life is beautiful and will always be if I let myself be painted with God’s love. My doors are still open for whatever circumstances I’ll face in the future. I am confident and unafraid despite of the uncertainty life brings. I have faith in Him. This faith will bring me to see reality deeper than what my eyes can see.

I want to be a simple monk and that is all that matters to me now. I do still have fears of taking the leap, and monastic life, like any other vocation, is a leap to unknown. The only thing clear about it is an entrustment to the love of God. I have experienced His love, and I realized it is the only certainty worth having. The thought of becoming a monk someday brought me joy and peace.

St. Therese of the Child Jesus once asked, “If God is the head and we are the body, then who is the heart? I will be the heart”. Inspired by her simplicity and love, I want to be the heart too. I want to live in a world of prayer and sacrifice where I can pray for my soul and yours too, and for all. I had reflected that when doing active apostolate- (catechism, social action etc.) I am so limited, but when I curbed my hands and pray, my help is universal.

Having my exposure in different parishes brought to discover that a priest’s time is divided with so many concerns and cares that sometimes he does have a little time left to pray. I look at my brothers and see something which I understand so little. This few young men are still weak and immature despite of having a noble goal. There is a great need to clarify personal issues before taking on greater responsibilities. There are only a few who passed in my own “standard”. But in the end, it is not me who will qualify them for the priesthood, good thing, it’s God. At least, God knows what He’s doing.

I come to realize that I need to prepare myself for the advent of my true call. I only have one life to live and I want to live it for Him, with Him and in Him. I’ve done so many mistakes in the past- it is all I can give, it is all I have. Please pray for me as I pray for you.

May God’s love continue to inspire us to give all ourselves to Him.

May Mary, the Gate of Heaven, protect us under her mantle.

I pray then that we may always find ourselves in God’s embrace and in His unending grace.

In prayer and love,

Khim

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