I do have my shares of fears and worries as I embarked in this journey. When I was younger- vain and immature in ways, I kept asking myself if I can hold on and keep to the decision I have made. Am I crazy? Am I deluded with the idea of priesthood? What will I gain by it all?
Well, God is very patient with me. He understands my insecurities and needs and allows me to experience and discover something which enlightens the way I see things.
Before my college seminary graduation, as I plunge myself into our last retreat, the question that troubled the dark pool of my mind was- how about my parents? They are growing older and sickly. They have given much to me and my siblings. Though they’re not asking for it, it becomes my responsibility which I am very willing to accept.
They toil so much for us. Taking care of them is the least thing I can do. Thanks to the retreat, I was enlightened that just as God has taking care of me, He will take care of my love one too. How little faith I have.
When I left home for Manila, my father was sick, a week after my mother too. The only sibling left in our house is my youngest sister. Mamang and Papang texted me, “Don’t mind us, we are happy and proud that our children are now chasing their dreams…”
I cried a bucket of tears.
Well, a month had passed since my entry to San Jose Seminary. All is well, though there were home sickness, misunderstandings, difficulty of sleeping and my perpetual struggle to fit in. I was and still am kind of a closed in, self-involved person who was just trying to stay in that safe place and that nest where I had good friends and people who are just like me.
I’m trying to keep an open mind with all the unfolding realities but I don’t know if I’m able to digest it all. Speaking of digestion, I do eat a lot, but some of the foods here are quite alien to me. There were dishes that looked nice but I have difficulty of figuring out how to eat it. Silly me.
Though the community is composed of young and some not-so-young men from different ranges of the Philippines, we manage to complement, understand and appreciate each others gifts and absurdity.
(to be continued :D)